5 hour stomach virus

For those of you who are not familiar with 5 hour energy let me give you a breakdown:

Its an "energy" supplement that is supposed to give you a full days worth of energy. The commercials I have seen show an ordinary businessman waking up at 630AM!!!! (woah! so early). When the sun is just coming up, he then goes downstairs, and instead of making himself a healthy meal, decides to skip it and reaches for a nice bottle of liquid crack. He downs the bottle and, amazingly, is suddenly dressed and ready for his big day (not to mention that promotion!).

My experience started the same. My alarm failed to wake me up so I had to rush out of the house. As I was scrambling to put my clothes on, while simultaneously brush my teeth, I realized "Hey! Why don't I just grab a 5 hour energy! No need for breakfast! Its not like I haven't eaten in 12 hours!"

Ahhh... so refreshing! The day seemed so much more positive already!  Here I come world!

And then it happened... It was a cataclysmic effect inside my bowels. The forces of the evil 5 hour empire had decided to induce an ultimate battle for the governing rule over my lower intestine. My body's defenses scrambled, and in its hastiness decided attempt an expulsion of the viral product in the best way possible; By forcing it out as quickly as possible. Little did my body know that the '5 hour' had other plans.

My stomach began to cramp like a vice. It was twisting like a screw into a board.

The pain was unbearable. I began to sweat and quake. Soon the forces of the krakens evil seed would come spewing forth from my abdomen, unleashing a hell upon my desk of which no one in public accounting has ever witness.

 Oh what dread it would be if I was to unleash this terrible beast in my office... The consequences would be dire!

Suddenly, I awoke, to find myself asleep at my desk... it was afternoon... whats your 2:30 feeling like, you ask? you dare to ask me Mr. "5 hour energy?" Well...its pretty crappy... can I have another?